wisdom

Worried about short term memory loss? Forget about it.

The more you say you don't give a shit, the more we all know you give a shit.

Back off, or I'll use this butterfly to start a chain reaction leading to a terrifying alternate future.

I don't mind that you gained the weight. I just pretend that were having a threesome.

One of these days I'm going to be really funny. How's next Wednesday looking for you?

I don't trust people who don't hate their middle names.


I'm too good for a lot of things. Which is why I don't do anything.

My dreams were so good, I'm surprised I didn't wake up smoking a cigarette.




Moral education can never end because we continually forget. Religions know this - so send us for extra lessons every weekend or hour.